Immunity

Immunity

For all the metaphysical theories that I have read and re-read, in a desperate attempt to make sense of existence, religion, relationships and humanity – one overwhelming similarity is the lack of ‘simplicity’.

As hard as I might try to avoid the religious connotations, I do feel like Eve’s child in exile with this inherent ‘restlessness’. I remember my childhood ambitions were tarnished by the cultural and customary boundaries which made me feel like a bird without wings. Eventually when I got wings, soaring flights became a routine. I remember the times when the heart-rush used to come from simple things – running on the street, smile from a stranger, telling a captivating story, learning and teaching. I remember the times when music beats used make the heart beat faster, used to give a rush to the veins and elegant life to the limbs. I remember when the soul used to long for excitement, adventure and exploration.

Now that it is within reach, everything has strangely lost its meaning. People talk about ‘out of body experiences’ and I feel like living outside of my body. Ever since I left home, I feel as if I am a spectator of my existence. All the happiness, excitement and thrill feels like it is not mine. It does not come from the heart.

Makes me wonder - if gratification and freedom would only taste sweeter if it is fixed with a dose of yearning? Or is it that ‘to yearn is to sin’?

Note to self: Differentiate between success, gratification and greed.